Summon Einstein.
Ask Einstein how to defeat Bionic Bandits.

Actually, if you look at it from the War tavern (which discludes the very first post of this aka the post that started this topic) this would be post 3000.

And I have the page claim as proof.

Bionicbandits have 1000 HP.
Shuriken casts Haste on Jay.
L33tz4n summons Einstein.
Einstein says "cast a lot of spells and use a lot of items and stuff in random ways."
Bionicbandit attacks Einstein. Einstein is dead D=.
Bionicbandit attacks Shuriken. Shuriken is dead.
Bionicbandit attacks Jay. Jay loses a bunch of HP.

....flee.

Route of escape blocked D=.

Jay's status:
-Species: Monkeysomethingperson
-Intelligence: 35
-Strength: 680
-Defense: 680
-Magic: 0

Originally Posted by Blackraptor

Actually, if you look at it from the War tavern (which discludes the very first post of this aka the post that started this topic) this would be post 3000.

And I have the page claim as proof.

You're thinking of "Reply" 3000. "Reply" is obviously different from "Post", and "Post" is what I had. I might add that "Reply" is always inferior.

Uberbob:
Cast Enchant Weapon on Thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruityflyingfully clotheductscraptlegalfourseatsestrudelire.
Attack BionicBandit with Thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruityflyingfully clotheductscraptlegalfourseatsestrudelire.
Wear Bracelet.
Look at BionicBandits through Magic Mirror.
Hide under Druid's Robe.

L33tz4n:
Summon a bunch of iron bats on top of the BionicBandits' heads. Or inside them. Inside is better.
Summon MSN Butterfly Guy, steal his wings.

Araches:
Cast Bloodlust on Jay.
Check Jay's stats.

The Thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruityflyingfully clotheductscraptlegalfourseatsestrudelire is too powerful to be enchanted. Uberbob wears the bracelet. Uberbob feels pretty! He looks at the bandit's reflection in the mirror. They look mirrored. Uberbob cowers under the robe.
L33tz3n summons a bunch of iron bats over Bandits (can't summon inside). Bandits lose 1 HP. L33tz4n summons MSN guy and steals his wings.
Araches casts Bloodlust on Jay.


Jay's status:
-Species: Monkeysomethingperson
-Intelligence: 30
-Strength: 790 (988)
-Defense: 790
-Magic: 0

LOAD GAME

If the amount of HP lost is equal to the strength of the attacker, why did the Bionicbandits only lose 1HP after a 570 attack?

Magic.

usually, when attacking, multiple factors are put into play.

First, we have the ATTACK strength. This is how much damage it would do per base.

Second, we have EVASION of the enemy. This tells us if it hit them. Can you hit a moving target?

Third, we have DEFENCE of the enemy. This tells us how much of the damage is prevented.

Finally, we have LUCK. LUCK can tell us if it is a critical hit, which doubles base attack.

So basically, it's a crapshoot. a 1,000,000 Point attack will be nullified by a 1,000,001 Defence rating.

Defense, agility, and cruelty (on my part).

Well, fine. Have Jay attack again. Maybe this time he can do 419 damage.

Jay does 2 damage.

Jay's status:
-Species: Monkeysomethingperson
-Intelligence: 25
-Strength: 920 (1150)
-Defense: 920
-Magic:

Look around.

You see bionicbandits, buildings, and a few blocks ahead the Mind Gate. Before you ask, they ARE blocking it.

Jay's status:
-Species: Monkeysomethingperson
-Intelligence: 20
-Strength: 1060 (1325)
-Defense: 1060
-Magic: 0

Have Jay attack the bandits as the rest of the party flees.

Have Jay attack with the Thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruityflyingfully clotheductscraptlegalfourseatsestrudelire

Jay can't figure out how to use the Thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruityflyingfully clotheductscraptlegalfourseatsestrudelire D=.

Bandit1 attacks Jay. Jay takes 60 damage. Bandit2 attacks Jay. Jay takes 60 damage. Bandit3 leaves to get axes. Jay has 100 HP left. Game Saved =D!

Jay's status:
-Species: Monkeyboy
-Intelligence: 15
-Strength: 1210 (1512)
-Defense: 1210
-Magic: 0

Put Druid's Robe on Jay. Put Bracelet on Jay. Give Jay Knife.

Jay wears robe. +.01 defense! Jay wears bracelet; Jay feels pretty! Jay takes knife. +10 attack!

Jay's status:
-Species: Monkeyboy
-Intelligence: 10
-Strength: 1370 (1722)
-Defense: 1370
-Magic: 0

Remove bracelet from Jay, give bracelet to Bionic Bandits.

Bionicbandits have destroyed bracelet D=. Nobody feels pretty anymore. Except Faw, but he is elsewhere.

Jay's status:
-Species: Monkeyboy
-Intelligence: 5
-Strength: 1540 (1925)
-Defense: 1540
-Magic: 0

L33tz4n: Cast Hypnotize on a Bionicbandit
Uberbob: Cast Stoneskin on Jay
Araches: Cast Haste on Uberbob
Jay: Attack Bionicbandits

L33tz4n attempts to Hypnotize the Bandit, but the bandit is not affected. Uberbob and Araches attempt to cast spells on Jay, but Jay is unaffected.

As Jay's intelligence drops to zero, he let's out a mighty roar in a random direction. No longer is he a mere human, but something greater, something more powerful. Jay is now known as Furious the Monkeyboy! Random themesong plays from nowhere!

Furious picks up MSN Butterfly Guy. Furious attacks Bionicbandit with MSN Guy. Bionicbandit takes 400 damage. MSN Guy dies.

Furious's status:
-Species: Monkeyboy
-Intelligence: No
-Strength: 2000
-Defense: 2000
-Magic: 0

....I foresaw this. If Jay can still understand human language, have him pwn the remaining bandits.

Furious attacks bandit. Bandit takes 600 damage. Bandit dies. Bandit3 has returned with axes! Bandit 2 and 3 armed.

Stand back and let Furious pwn the other two bandits. I don't think any ordinary axes are going to stop him now. But just in case...

Uberbob: Cast: Enchant Weapon: Axe
Axe: Attack Bionicbandits

Uberbob is unable to posess the axe D=.

Furious attacks Bionicbandit. Bandit dodges. Bandit2 flees.

Attack Bandit3 All-arms

By the power bestowed upon me as a white mage, I hereby declare this thread...



DEAD

Have Furious continue attacking. Look for a way out in the meantime.

Furious attacks Bandit3. Bandit3 dodges. L33tz4n sights a clear path down a nearby alley.

Everyone in party who isn't dead/missing/named Furious the Monkeyboy: Run down alley, hope that it isn't a dead end.

Chances are that as soon as Furious finishes off that Bandit, anything else in the area that moves is also going to be pounded by Monkeyboy there.

Evidently, you didn't watch enough cop movies, because the alley dead ends. The bionicbandit jumps over Furious and charges towards you. Furious stares up at the sky, confused about where the bandit jumped to.

Place Bookmark of Eternity in the way of Bionicbandit.
Let go of Bookmark of Eternity.

The Bionicbandit crashes into the Bookmark of Eternity, successfully breaking his robotic body in half. The top half continues to charge in your general direction.

Duck, and shine the magic mirror at the bandit (Dont ask why).

That post had too little logic for me to notice.

aka your a face

If his top half is running towards you, there's nothing under him so just slide under him/duck/move a side.