Disclaimer: This story is Jazz Jackrabbit fan fiction, and may be inaccurate compared to Jazz Jackrabbit canon. If I violate any War Tavern rules, just ignore that part.

From separate, individual existences, a few atoms randomly came together to form a relatively complex molecular structure. Of this, several alike others approached from nearby. Having found satisfying connective substance, together this grouping discovered a greater encompassing molecular format to combine upon. After a deal with several nearby chemical compositions, the particle produced its own baby particles, while unique community-oriented copies of the original few molecular structures were undergoing immense interactions among one another to provide for the creation of something which would allow children to thrive and live fulfilling lives.

Eventually, jackrabbits came into being. A green one, who strangely lived on a planet who, compared to the one upon which the circumstances which would be its predecessor had come about did not exist, held a large, blue gun. How he had come into possession of the gun, he did not know, but he did know that to fire ammo and extinguish his targets with bullets, all he had to do was pull upon the trigger.

After consuming his delicious carrot soup, with broth containing special flavors provided by McDaucus -- server of the infamous $1 McCarota -- the green jackrabbit, named Jazz, wondered aloud to his mother what could be an ingredient that made his soup taste more like actual meat, as opposed to artificial flavorings present in the carrot soup broth.

"Why are you craving meat? You're a young, healthy rabbit. Any meat you eat is only going to do your body harm and corrupt your mental desires; your digestive tract was never designed to take care of other animals you may have accidentally ingested," Jazz's unnamed and generally otherwise unmentioned, outside the context of feeding situations, mother replied.

"Look ma, we jackrabbits don't intend to be hopping around with nothing but vegetables in our bellies for much longer. Look at the cats who come across this place. How can we defend ourselves from them? Their tails are perfect for surprise nibbling, and they themselves pay no mind to any particular rodent-like creature's livelihood. We need to defend ourselves."

Jazz glanced around his mother's grassland kitchen, which consisted of grass that didn't get cut by humans, a stream, and dirt and random other things. His mother, who spent her days with her toddler while her husband worked hard in the fields to put food on their table, considered Jazz's outlandish statement. While rabbits traditionally had to put up with their occasionally being hunted by cats who came across their meadow territory, it was rare that a baby bunny ever really got captured and swallowed by a feline or other predators. There were much smaller and easier prey roaming, and in adulthood, the jackrabbit had a powerful attack with its hind legs, with which they could deal devastating blows to any vicious animal that would attempt to have its way with him or her.

"It's unsafe to go that way without Pokemon," she told Jazz.

"But ma," Jazz responded desolately, "Pokemon is a word that is irrelevant to anything actually contained in this universe. There are none of them to defend me here. Also you forgot to accentuate-"

"Well Jazz, then it seems like you have yourself a problem. Go to the nearest personal spaceship airport. You know what probably tastes good with carrot? Turtles. Unfortunately they don't like staying around these parts, so you'll need to journey far and hard if you want to start killing them. For every shelled creature you murder, I'll give you this backpack. Bring them back to me, and I'll make you a supper like never before."

Mrs. Mother Jackrabbit had decided it was time to entice her oldest son into an independent adventure, hoping that when he returned, he would no longer seem to have this disorderly need to eat flesh.

"Ma! How am I going to do any damage, or even protect myself, from anybody with a shell?!" cried Jazz in fear of his impending task.

"Use your giant blue gun that you acquired out of nowhere as a weapon, you idiotic child of mine. I'll give you 20 minutes, or maybe about four hours, and if you're not back by then, I'm going to go and eat some cabbage. Goodbye." Mother said all of this without even hinting at the possibility that her son might find his own wife being held for him in the clutches of a crazed enemy turtle.

--

So, Jazz Jackrabbit set off by foot in the direction of his local McDaucus, hoping to find some sort of aircraft by which he could take off toward outer space and reach another planet which had turtles living on it. Without any serious effort, money, training, or a license for this sort of thing, he drove a space shuttle toward some random planet. After killing a lot of things that weren't rabbits and acted as if they would be harmful toward him, he returned to his mother, ready to be united eternally with the beautiful blue Eva Earlong. (The process took longer than four hours, but he had not been keeping track, and his mother was still eating cabbage when he got back.)

"Who the heck is that?" asked Mrs. Jackrabbit.

"Mrs. Jackrabbit, my name is Eva Earlong. I understand Jazz was hungry for some turtle booty. While the gathering of carrot-turtle soup ingredients was transpiring, I was also freed from a cage I was very afraid of stepping out of. I would like to thank Jazz by offering him my paw in marriage."

"Oh, alright. Do you know how to cook carrot-turtle soup? I accidentally made all that stuff up because Jazz was being stupid. But you two might want to try it, since Jazz wanted to taste real blood, and you'll be devouring the same evil that had captured you."

"Yes, ma'am, my mother, who happens to be queen of Carrotus, taught me how."

Upon this, Jazz realized that while he was on an epic quest for something that ultimately would not do him any good, he had also came across the best thing who ever happened to him.

"Eva, never mind about the soup. Why don't we go grab my brother and sister Spaz and Lori, then you get lost somewhere else, and we will travel incredible distances for the sole purpose of wasting a bit of our afternoon before finding true satisfaction in eating carrots without any preparation according to recipe as one family unit? And then we'll hit the hay and do a little bit of nothing between only the two of us."

Eva replied to Jazz's bashful request with a romantic smile and slight uprising, then she hopped away through the tall grass into the distance, waiting for Jazz to come chase her tail.

Meanwhile, the ghosts of an army of turtles and other non-rabbitalian people who had been commanded by the cruelly plotting, and inexplicably impossible to destroy, Devan Shell followed Jazz wherever he would go, thanking him for their misfortune with gems which would only be a burden to carry. Regardless of their lack of use, the gems continued to catch Jazz's interest while he neared his goal.

Two months and three weeks later. Jazz and Eva, after unmentioned battle quests of varying degrees, now have a baby bunny of almost two months.

"This is true my loved one, but you must not feel the ways I need more carrots. My bones are popping out of my skin, and I don't even have the energy to comb my hair."

"But Jazz, we both need to be here for the baby, or he will escape! I can catch him on my side, and you can catch him on your side. This is how protecting the family works- it only takes one chance for his misguided leap of faith, and there is no telling what trouble he will hop off into."

"Mommy, daddy, you are morons," cried the otherwise-nameless Homegrown Youngblood. He was only a few weeks away from sexual maturity, and was not sure why he had to be caught up between his two overbearing parents. Eating grass and defeating foes seemed like an easy enough task in their meadow, even if he did get lost.

Jazz smacked his son. "Do you expect me to keep waiting around until we are forced to drink grassbroth with no ingredients? I have barely moved since you gave birth! You thoughtless dut, I am fetching some carrot ale. Complain to the kid, for all I care."

Mrs. Jackrabbit laughed madly, though quietly, at her male partner's claim. "Okay, but how are you going to escape from the cage I put you in after you got me out of mine?" Jazz opened his eyes from unnatural hibernation-like rest and growled as his wife turned the lock and dangled the house keys in front of him and the child.

"You are TRULY INSANE! This is unfair to everyone. Fine, let's starve ourselves trying to eat like cows."

This statement comparing his wife to a cow deeply offended Eva, and she released a passionate response:

"You ignorant son of a hare! Get out of here now." She grabbed Jazz and threw him out. While she was busy doing that, Homegrown Youngblood took the moment to dash away from home, despite not being sure of his plan. Both he and Jazz were to spend years, or months which would seem like years to a rabbit in a non-seasonal off-Earth climate, separate from their nuclear family. Eva, realizing her solitude, stared relaxingly at the setting sun. All that she could do was hope their future would be bright and try to make do for the time being.

She mosied over to the local stream; she'd spent months caring for her child without fresh water. The taste of live microbes and sediment reinvigorated her youthful sense of what it means to be a rabbit, but while she was noticing this flavor, a doe came to her across from the other side.

This was commonly unheard of because deer civilization was not in the same neighborhood as rabbit civilization! Eva wasn't sure whether to initiate conversation, flee or attack, so she stood, stared, and panicked. Was this creature about to viciously squash her brains with her hooves and drag her carcass back to the savage dwelling spot of the deer tribe? Instead, the doe calmly ignored Eva's fretting and began drinking water. Eva returned to this process as well, now forgetting her desire for a sudden next move.

Lo and behold, members of a fish school jumped from the barely-polluted water and latched onto the faces of Eva and the doe! Things had gone awry, and it was time for an actual response. This came from none other than Gardius Mok, fresh-water tuna, champion of all fish.

"Boys, girls, what has led you to this nonsense!? Come down from there," he shouted from underwater. However, with the fish being out of water and fish language generally meant for H2O fluid communication, the precision of his message was lost in translation. As a result of this, the assortment of fish began slapping their victims with their tails, while they tried to flail them off. The fish, and their powerful, shark-like jaws, would not budge. Essentially, everything was being flailed about wildly, and the peaceful union of sipping land-dwellers had been interrupted by the inexplicable actions of malicious people who should still have been swimming.

Gardius Mok leaped into the air and told them to retreat in sign language. At once the fish fell back into the stream. "This was not the scheduled attack. Our plan was to move the rocks to provide shade for eggs! Do these innocent foreigners look like rocks? No!! This battle is useless, fools."

"With all due respect-"

"We've been unharmed," inserted the doe, alive and uninjured.

"they were drinking our water! We live in this," one lowly fish piped up.

"Look, no. This is not your water, this is my water, and you can make do without a few droplets of it, plus it will be replenished with the currents."