Note: This is a parody of The Final Assault from the JMMB, where you can find that and the original Final Insult. Authors accepted! To join the story, just write a post.

KRSplat was looking for carrots in a field on Carrotus. He had in his hand a new gun which he bought off Craigslist.

He saw something in the grass which looked like it could have been a carrot. So he pulled it out with the other hand and ate it. Then he was bored so he decided to play with his gun. There was one thing on his mind, and that was turtle soup.

KRSplat went to a group on Facebook and asked where he could find turtles that would taste yummy. Bot told him that in the royal castle there were turtles, but those were a special collection and required an entrance fee.

He would prefer searching for wild game.

He went to school and asked the information desk. They told him to warp to Kanto and talk to Professor Oak.

(are you high again)

So he warped to kanto and talked to professor oak... um and erm professor oak was in his underwear and bee-drill stung him and stuff.....

(pretend there is a massive picture that stretches the page here)

Oh dear...

Professor Oak squirmed with poison, delusionally begging to be recalled into a ball.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZQNh2_Bs
KRSplat injected to him potion of limeade and coconut milk, reviving his toxified cells.

And then Proessor Oak got hungry, so he ate the Beedrill and told KRSplat that he would be willing to give KRSplat some Turtle Soup, if he(KRSplat) gave him(Oak) a Rubber Duck.

KRSplat, a virtual rabbit, was unable to find a rubber ducky in stores due to his hopping abilities restricting him from entering a store without being captured, so he told Professor Oak he "has some money you can use to buy a rubber ducky," but OAK said he can't go to the store because it's unsafe, and it would be best to send local youth through tall grass to the store. So KRSplat went to a nearby house and asked for their first-born daughter. Ash Ketchum's mother told him that is Hermoine Granger.

KRSplat was satisfied with enslaving this young woman to do his bidding. So OAK gave KRSplat a pokeball to capture Hermoine Granger and sent him on this errand.

Due to filesize limitations, Hermoine Granger was forced to be released from her pokeball. Luckily, she was not corrupted by being captured.

She trod upon the fields of Missouri, which appeared to have been void of any human contact for 1000 years, walking past a family of moose.

Carrying KRSplat in a cage, she decided she would allow KRSplat to feast upon a moose since their journey had already taken 501836 days. KRSplat shot several types of fireworks at the moose, killing it until it died.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVAorP4J5L4
The other moose chose to resort to community activism in order to restore sanctity to their people, so they took the electricity that they used to see at night and started a forest fire that eventually cost trillions of dollars and killed numbers of robots who lived in the matrix. Meanwhile Hermoine Granger reached the mart with KRSplat locked in his cage. Hermoine Granger bought a rubber ducky and roasted a duck for pure pleasure. She used her "cracked" phone's battery to roast the duck. They took the bus back to Pallet Town, making the intended trade. However, KRSplat, not knowing the ramifications of contractual obligations, did not receive the turtle soup, and Hermoine Granger ate the turtle soup. Hermoine Granger then captured KRSplat in a pokeball, realizing that carrying a virtual rabbit in a cage was not a viable option for her own enjoyment. KRSplat just told Hermoine Granger to go to Diamondus because it was very pretty and had lots of things worth money inside it, for some reason not caring at all about being trapped inside a pokeball because he was a virtual rabbit so his character had no potential for things other than ammunition. Hermoine Granger used SURF to Diamondus.

Hermoine Granger landed on Diamondus. Meanwhile the forest fire was sending radiant waves to outer space, which fell short of being processed by the original planet of Diamondus, but did bounce back to the Earth's surface and caused several humans to get temporary viruses which could not be monitored by conventional medicine. After risking his life for Hermoine Granger's safety, KRSplat escaped his pokeball and trounced a lizard. The lizard begged for mercy, arguing that he was close to people in hgh places. KRSplat refused, and this was when a falcon swooped down from the sky and gave him a sword, which he could use to slay foes such as his captor, Hermoine Granger. Hermoine Granger, a witch, hypnotized KRSplat into cutting the grass of Diamondus to clear a walkway. Hermoine Granger found Devan Shell in a time machine that was on another planet, yet due to astronomical drifts existed on another plane of reality at that time. Hermoine Granger and KRSplat warped to Diamondus one billion years before present-day, when life had not begun and all there were strikes of thunder from an unknown source above. Soon it rained, and all was well in Silicon Valley. Hermoine Granger found the ancestor of a diamond and questioned it.

"How can I extract your value to create my well-being? When will your thoughts become clear to me? Why do you form such a structure? Is this what I have sought after?" She spun the ancestral diamond in circles while KRSplat was being random and checking for technical errors.

The ancestor of diamond said "mirror! Mirror on the wall! LOL u have no chanche ;D"

And then the Diamond challenged Hermione Granger to a Pokémon Battle, so Hermione sent out KRSplat, and the Dinsaur sent out... Himself, then he pushed KRSplat out of the way and ate Hermione, and then it transformed back into a Diamond, this time slightly bigger and a different colour, so KRSplat does a victory dance, not realising that he just failed.

Suddenly, he realises that all this time, he was inside something similar to the Matrix, he realises this because he just got a Bluescreen.

Then he suddenly wakes up in a lab with Scientists watching him through a glass window. And what's worse is that KRSplat now lacks both a Rubber Duck AND Turtle Soup.

KRSplat asked how this blue screen happened, nobody listened. He saw faint glares on faces of scientists, they appeared to be starving brutes, the head doctor fetishes his own flesh, and armor was soldered on KRSplat. The ceiling was changing colors and sand blew in wind through air vents, he knew they were clueless as to how to contact the professor about exacting desires of the Pokémon expert. He trucked glass window, shedding his armor in place. Outside, blue screen escaped surreal montage and reminded him others were staring and could not cooperate with mission shared by OAK. Scientists studied well.

Scientists researched how KRSplat had been awake so long without sleeping; KRSplat told them that his silicone implanted energy never tired, except its heaviness was slowing down travels when not inside a pokeball. The doctor questioned existence of such silicone implants, and KRSplat explained there was nothing else that made him content in life other than eating carrots, yet any obstacles he would demolish briefly.

KRSplat promptly hopped into a nearby Forest, ate until ground was flat and soft and no man would find him. He slept but was unready for attack by Helikopter who dropped escape rope, lassoed KRSplat into flying and Said "we are extragravity so leave your planets. We Hunt Rubber ducky within comet. Comet Makes our Quest for Life reinvigorated. Continue?"