Welcome! Friend, foe, and forumer to what will (hopefully) be the last installment of… Tales of Uberbob! If you haven’t played, this is a great time to join in (knowledge from the past threads can help, but is not in any way needed). What is Tales of Uberbob? Well, it’s kind of like an interactive story. I write something, and you respond with what you want the main character to do. For instance, if I say “You find a box”, you can respond “Open box”, “Lick box”, “Say hello to box” or anything in between, to which I will respond “a headcrab jumps out of the box and devours you.” Make your responses clear and detailed, as so I have enough to work off of. Again, if you haven’t played, this is a great time to join in. If you are returning, there may be some occasional changes here and there. Araches has a hat now. Don’t argue. Some base rules:

Only Radium narrates. It’s his story. You just give commands. No using bold, either. It makes it confusing.
GOOD: Walk through the green door.
BAD: Shuriken walks through the green door.

No deciding the consequences to actions. My story. Not yours.
GOOD: Open the box.
BAD: Open the box and find a gun.

No if/then statements or macros. They make you miss important stuff. Making creative macros to solve puzzles with mass trial and error is cheating.
GOOD: Is the key in the door?
BAD: If there’s a key in the door, open it. Otherwise, find a key then open it.

No changing the point of view. It changes on its own.
GOOD: I am not changing the point of view!
BAD: Change POV to Uberbob!

Battle System
You ever have one of those days when the guy that just killed your whole family is coming to town to get you next, you see him, and suddenly it’s like your whole world turns into a 5 by 8 grid? Well, this is where it helps to know your battle system. A lot has changed since the battle system in the original thread. This isn’t “required reading” to play in Uberbob, but if you want to partake in battles it helps to know this stuff.



Each turn a character can either move or defend (not both). You can move the number of spaces indicated by your movement. If you move into an enemy (or ally), you will attack them (ending the moving character's turn). Defending will use all a character’s movement points that turn but cause them to take half damage.

Spells work differently. Each character can only have one good status effect and one bad status effect on them. If a character already has a beneficial status effect, another one will override it.
Each team can only cast one spell per turn, and casting it will take it off your spell list. The character that the spell belongs to (the spells are color coded) will take double damage if attacked that round. You can negate this by defending when casting a spell.
Summon spells can summon a character anywhere. Specify where when casting the spell. Additionally, you can move the summoned character the same turn they are summoned. You won’t know their movement when you give the command, but you can assume it is at least one, so it shouldn’t matter.
EDIT: Also, spells do a constant damage, no matter what the unit's defense state is.

So, a standard combat command would be like:
Shuriken: N, N, NE
L33tz4n: W, SW
Summon Water Elemental right above Stratn.
Water Elem: South.

This is the story of a rabbit. A “moderately insane”, gray rabbit who tragically lost an ear, arm, and leg somewhere along the line. This is the story of his adventures through the four islands surrounding Placespot, his journey to defeat a mysterious dreadlord known only as “Blackraptor”, and his ongoing quest to get into a particular sorceress’s ever-decreasing amount of clothing. This is the story of the challenges he faced, the puzzles he solved, the battles he won, and all the random stuff he found on the way (and usually chose to take with him).
I am not this rabbit. In fact, the rabbit isn’t even in the story at this point, because at the time I was on my way to rescue him.
My name is Shuriken. Where this story starts, we were just on our way to defeat an evil demon named Unfooruman in order to save our imprisoned allies and get off this particularly godforsaken island.
Unfooruman’s sworn enemy was an elderly archmage named Fooruman. Fooruman was a pale, thin man with a long gray beard and purple dress (allegedly made from “the finest stale bread”). Years ago, Unfooruman had overthrown Fooruman and taken control of this island. We had never asked the source of the hostilities, though one can assume it has something to do with Unfooruman having the same name, only with an “un” prefix. The archmage Fooruman had been traveling with us to fight Unfooruman, though we had recently gotten separated. The old man’s whereabouts were unknown.
After being separated from Fooruman, my only ally in Unfooruman’s lair was Leetzan (the proper spelling is something like L-three-three-T-Z-four-N, I hear). She was a peculiar creature, teal-skinned with a serpent-like lower half. Her eyes were blank white and slightly luminous, though she wore yellow-tinted contact lenses. Apart from the fact she was essentially blind without the contacts, she seemed to wear them so her gaze did not look as ominous.
Leetzan was skilled. More than she’d take credit for, really. In addition to being a computer hacker, Leetzan was both a summoner and a hypnotist. Additionally, she had some knowledge of a rare skill known as “glitching”. More on that later in the story.
I stepped through the door into yet another dank hallway, katana drawn slightly. Leetzan slithered in past me, a whip curled around her arm. She wasn’t particularly good at using it, but she seemed to like it more than other weapons. Maybe there was a bit of intimidation factor in a half-snake girl with a whip. Personally, I thought she’d be more intimidating if she just used clear contacts. Leetzan had a brilliant mind, albeit a bit illogical at times. Determining there was no danger, we both silently walked (or slithered) the rest of the way through the door. Neither of us was particularly conversational, you could say.
The man with the CD player walked in behind us. He worked here. His job was simple: he was Unfooruman’s sound system. Follow adventurers around, play music to add to the mood. I had a feeling there was a lot of people behind-the scenes here (you know, hang fake cobwebs, feed the rats, et cetera). Truth be told, the whole dungeon theme of this evil lair was extremely overdone. It’s not that the place wasn’t dangerous; the needless commercialization just added insult to injury.
As usual, there was a tall, overly dramatized wooden door at the end of this hallway. This time, two more doors were against the left wall, each with a sign hanging on it. I walked up to one to see what sort of cryptic advice or warning it had for me.

The female equivalent hung on the other door. I stared at the sign darkly. It stared back. I wasn’t sure I believed all this stuff about “save points”, but their presence in general tended to be a sign of bad things to come. Leetzan cast me a grave look, implying the same thought was going through her mind. I glanced towards the man with the CD player for a visual cue as to what was coming, but his face was buried in a thick book (which I recognized from the cover as author N. Z. Sterling’s popular psychological and spiritual analysis Scotch Tape: Friend or Foe?).
Leetzan broke the awkward silence. “So,” she said, turning from the two save point doors to the large doorway “think this is it?”
“We thought that many times already,” I responded. A shot a glance back at the man with the CD player looking for an answer, but he was still reading intently. Leetzan, silently hoping I had a better idea of what was coming than her, quietly awaited my next move.

… aaaand the question this thread is renown for: What should Shuriken do now?

Search for the nearest spot place!
Actually, neither me nor Lem will be participating in the first part of this, because we know what's coming. I feel as unique as a two-of-a-kind person can be =D

Use the save points if not implied that we did.
Open the large foreboding doorway

Ah, glad we don't have to go through what I did back at the end of part 2. XP

I'll serve as the guy in the Danger Muffin costume who gives cryptic hints.

tell the guy with the CD player to shut up.

Originally Posted by MSB3000

tell the guy with the CD player to shut up.

Even though he's not saying anything?

Yay, players!

yes, even though he's not saying anything.

and check for Noberries please

There are none. I know that for sure. No noberries.

Press your ear against the door to try to hear what's inside. After saving, of course.

Originally Posted by Risp

There are none. I know that for sure. No noberries.

please?

Engage in combat with the big overdone door!



...what?

Does Radium still take the commands he thinks are best, or is it done on a first come first serve basis (the first person to post a valid command gets his/hers obeyed)?

Rules question: are saves/loads still automatic, or has this changed since the last thread?


Anyway, *rolls up sleeves*, what music is the CD player guy playing? Ask him what music he'll start playing when we go through that big door. Also ask him what's behind the door. Oh, and ask L33tz4n just what "glitching" is?

@Blacky: If commands can fit together well (e.g. tell the CD player guy to shut up, put ear to door) they will both be executed. In the instance of two opposing commands, I'll either go first-come or the one with more popular support. If something isn't particularly important at the moment, it might get ignored.

@Boggy: You need save points now, but it will load whenever you die or are otherwise completely screwed.

Also, ++Lem for showing Uberbob spirit in his avatar =D

The man with the CD player had recently started a calm piece by Mozart; something that could be seen as a sign of no imminent action, or, alternatively, the calm before a storm. I considered asking him about what was to come, but had previously determined he was sworn to secrecy (with the exception of the subtle hints in the music he played). “Shut that off,” I commanded him threateningly, determining nothing else could be gained from it. He coolly glared at me from above his book and flicked the music piece off. In the newfound silence, I pressed my ear against the door.
“What do you hear?” Leetzan asked.
I listened closely, but heard nothing but the sporadic echo of thunder from the storm outside. “I hear nothing.”
“We should save,” continued Leetzan, “just in case. Silence always means something bad.”
I raised an eyebrow in response to Leetzan’s comment. “Save? You believe that? How exactly do you think that is supposed to work?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. It would just make me feel better.”
Having no desire to pursue the conversation further, I strode up to the door to the women’s “save point”, turned the handle, and walked inside. It appeared to be a perfectly normal bathroom. “Well, this is anticlimactic,” I thought to myself. I carefully examined my surroundings, from the fake marble sink to the completely empty soap dispenser. I poked the lever on the dispenser slightly, considering notifying the man with the CD player that it was in need of refilling.
I came back out. Leetzan was standing (as much as a legless person can) in the same spot, awaiting news. “Did you save?”
I nodded. She glared at me for a moment in disbelief.
“So, open the door normally, or hack it in half and charge in dramatically?” Leetzan asked, breaking the awkward silence that seems to come up so often. I didn’t respond, signaling to her that said silence is best left alone.

Sneak in as best as possible.

Hrm.

Ask CD player guy how to save, just to be certain.

I think I'll join this one.

Use a fire spell on door, and then rush through.

List inventory, spells and such.

We don't have any fire spells or anything. Only summoning magic (and I would recommend not to squander that) and a few buffs. Unless you want to hypnotize the door.

N0 and Strato's posts are a good example of conflicting commands. I'll go with Strato because he came first.


“I did just save, right?” I asked the man with the CD player just to be certain.
“Save?” he asked. “How is that supposed to work? If people could ‘save’, time would just keep starting over every time someone died, leading to an endless loop that never gets anywhere.” I thought this over briefly. He had a point.
I redirected my attention back towards the door. No matter what lay behind it, the element of surprise seemed as though it would be of assistance. I grasped the handle and slowly rotated it as quietly as possible. The door opened. I slinked carefully through the slightly open doorway and signaled for Leetzan to do the same.
The room inside was large and awkwardly shaped; the jagged, granite walls looked as though it had been put together at random, or perhaps for some acoustic reason. The man with the CD player walked in behind us, slamming the door.
“Shhh, don’t sl-”
“Spoy, now!” A voice bellowed. An earsplitting sound cut shot through my head as the ground between Leetzan and I tore in two and an immense blast of fire shot out of it. Something green and white burst from the man with the CD player’s body (with the curious “unzipping” noise of a cartoon character removing a costume) and a small rabbit landed nimbly in front of us, striking a dramatic pose and twirling a silver gun around his finger. A dark laughter that could only be Unfooruman reverberated through the chamber.


It takes them three tries to beat Unfooruman and Spotty. Click here to skip to when they finally win, or just go to page 7.






Sha-bam! Hold your mouse over spells and stuff =D And make sure you have "show images" on or this will make NO sense because of my strange mix of < img > and [ img ] tags.

Hypnotise the rabbit and get the rabbit to pwn Unfooruman

Um... You need to provide directions. And that command sucks. I mean, spoy has 4 attack and unfooruman has 38 hp. Plus, hypnotism lasts only one turn and unfooruman is too far from spoy for spoy to reach and attack unfooruman in one turn.

Rules regarding the battle system are up in the first post. It allows you to fight against a super-intelligent AI *coughRadiumcough*.

L33tzan: S, E, Summon Water Elemental to the Left of Spoy
Water E. : Attack Spoy \o/
Shuriken: , E, E, SE, Attack spoy

plz work D=

You can move in secondary directions, like southeast and stuff. It saves time.

Didnt know that. Hm. Thats almost like 2 blocks in one move. Oh well, Water Elemental would do more damage to spoy then spoy would do to unfooruman anyways.

Ninja speed is too useful for using it just for extra movement. Anyway, you are only allowed one spell/skill per turn.

Originally Posted by Risp

Ninja speed is too useful for using it just for extra movement. Anyway, you are only allowed one spell/skill per turn.

I edited before you posted, too.

Risp, stop helping them. This thread relies on people being utterly unreceptive.

L33tz4n focuses nearby water into a somewhat mighty Water Elemental
The Water Elemental splashes Spotty hard (5 damage)
Shuriken dramatically slices Spotty (5 damage)
Spoy fires his POWER GUN at himself!
Spotty defends

Can you have more than 1 summon on the field at one time (ex. Both the Water Elemental and the Sphere)?

Originally Posted by Blackraptor

Can you have more than 1 summon on the field at one time (ex. Both the Water Elemental and the Sphere)?

Yes.

L33tzan: Hypnotise Unfooruman, E, Attack spoy
Unfooruman: Sw, Sw, attack spoy
Shuriken & Water Elem: Attack Spoy

D=.

If I haven't mentioned this already, you can hold your mouse over characters to see their health as a number or their status effects.


L33tz4n bends Unfooruman to her will
L33tz4n whips Spotty thrice (3 damage)
Unfooruman laughs as flashes of dark energy pummel into Spotty (6 damage)
The Water Elemental splashes Spotty hard (5 damage)
Shuriken dramatically slices Spotty (5 damage)
Spotty has the power! (+12 HP)
Spotty shoots his HEALING GUN at himself (15 health restored)
Spotty defends

I noticed. And spotty sucks

L33tz4n: Hypnotism on SPOTTY. Then attack sPOTTY
Spotty: attack unfooruman
Shuriken & Water elem: Attack Unfooruman

And unfooruman cant attack back this turn cause he's suffering post-hypnosis effects or something right?

My pointless advice: Get rid of the grid lines.

@Blackeh: L33tz4n is out of hypnotizage D=

Oh snap. Im guessing we're about to get served then =D.

Shame. I was going to suggest hypnotise Unfooruman, then make hom stand in the lava for a turn or two.