April News Roundup '22: Flashback Edition

Posted:
1 Apr 2022 at 09:00

“The Dark Souls of” retired in favor of “the Jazz Jackrabbit 1 of”

Gamers and press outlets worldwide resolved on Friday to stop referring to things as “the Dark Souls of” this or that in order to indicate that it’s hard or whatever. Instead, the new hotness is to call difficult things “the Jazz Jackrabbit 1 of” something or other, in reference to the classic tale of a heroic rabbit taking down an evil dog. A few comparisons will make the reasoning clear if I can figure out textile table markup:
Souls Jazz
One chance to get your stuff back when you die All your ammo is gone forever
360 degrees of camera rotation 320 columns of pixels
Hard to see because it’s dark Hard to see because it’s DOS
Allegedly difficult bosses I have no idea how that ostrich works, it just seems to teleport into me wherever I’m shooting from, yikes

On the other hand, Souls games tend to have few to zero options, while Jazz Jackrabbit 1 lets you configure your controls and select a difficulty and press T to enable “dog mode,” so the matter may not be settled yet.

Secret reference discovered in GBA Jazz game

Jazz JackrabBit Advance is already well known for its graphics ripped from JJ2 tilesets, but a previously unknown secret level has newly been discovered called Diamondus Unbreakable.

More time travel converts Tubelectric into bitcoin mining machine

It’s never been clear how Tubelectric went from an abandoned munitions factory in JJ1 to a pinball machine in JJ2, but “time travel” seemed the likeliest explanation. Now it’s gone one step further and become a giant device dedicated entirely to generating strings of characters which are somehow also money, at the expense of vast quantities of tubelectricity. This has been inaugurated with a new Street Fight level contest, for people who are into No Fire Tubelectrics; you might think you could just put your levels into a zip and other people would put them in their game folder like anything else, but, uh, no, you actually need like five different accounts on different websites to create one, and spend like a couple hundred dollars, and did I mention the tubelectricity? just so your twitter avatar is a hexagon instead of a circle? it’s all such a mess honestly, and that’s before we even get into the JJ2 EULA issues

Medivo becomes a VTuber

“Mme Diva” will break new ground by being a colorful, minimally animated teenage-looking cartoon girl who is also, in some indefinable way, an entire planet. Clips and fanart are already being produced of her singing her theme song with its famous lyrics, “oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ah.”

You can play as Jazz in Fortnite now

hahahaha no this will never happen sorry

- Violet CLM


Comments

Primpy on 1 Apr 2022 at 09:26

Finally, some unbiased and reliable news.

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