April News Roundup

Posted:
1 Apr 2018 at 22:06
Source:
This is violet, isn't it?

30,000,000 fur colors leaked from Camel Duels


Camel Duels stocks plunged perilously last week after news reports that a new experimental mutator, written by a data analysis firm linked to the Polish Mafia, illetionly harvested the fur colors of all thirty million Camel Duels accounts. In response to mounting public pressure to address the leak, including a permanently pinging “Delete Camel” server that has been made to appear at the top of the server list, Camel Duels has announced plans to remove the ability of all players to use fur colors at all, until they unlock new furs using the new Camel Credit system. At the moment, Camel Credits can only be earned by winning duels, though one jazzjackrabbit.net user claims to have run the numbers and determined it would take over 4000 hours of playing JJ2 continuously in order to unlock a full set of custom fur colors. At press time, only Jety has managed this.

Next JJ2+ release to raise server player limit to 100 for LRS games


“We’re confident that this is the change needed to encourage more people to play JJ2,” said one JJ2+ spokesrabbit. “There’s something special about JJ2’s frenetic, fast-paced gameplay, and nowhere is JJ2 more fast-paced than in LRS games. This change should mean that people who didn’t want to play LRS when the player limit was 32 will definitely want to play it when the player limit is 100.” Other incredibly significant changes to gameplay are also being discussed as possibilities, such as displaying an animation of an airplane when you first spawn in a level, though so far no luck has been had while scouring spriters-resource.com for suitable airplane sprites. This new development focus on LRS also means that no more work will be put into patching bugs in the Pestilence gamemode.

Foo Products returns, dumping old product line in favor of new “FooCoin”


Industry entrepreneur Black Ninja has made a surprise JCF post announcing the latest return of Foo Products, guaranteed to revitalize the Foo fandom as much as each previous return did. Foo Products—traditionally known for such offerings as Foo Races, Foo Movies, Foo Fighters, and New Coke—will be abandoning all those past efforts in favor of a new cryptocurrency FooCoin, which Black Ninja promises will be at least three times as crypto as any other cryptocurrency on the market. Early adopters will be able to mine special limited-edition FooCoins with Fooruman’s face on them, whereas later miners will have to settle for images of other parts of his body. A brief interview with Black Ninja follows:

Q: Is FooCoin a sensible, trustworthy investment?
A: Blockchain.
Q: What do you say to critics who worry that Foo Products’ past expertise is in such a radically different field that you will inevitably make some mistakes in this FooCoin rollout?
A: Blockchain.
Q: What does this mean for older Foo Products lines? For instance, will there be a new Foo Single Player release involving players paying their rent using cryptocurrency?
A: Blockchain.
Q: If FooCoin is a successful enterprise, what will you do with all the money you get out of it?
A: Currently we are planning on funding the porting of JCS to Mac computers.

- Jazz2Online


Comments

Mike_1990 on 2 Apr 2018 at 09:06

First one is the best:-D That never gets old.

OfficialAlexM on 4 Apr 2018 at 09:55

“Spokesrabbit”

G o o d

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