Previewing Future JJ2+ Updates

1 Apr 2023 at 09:51

For no real reason, today feels like a good date to announce some upcoming features in JJ2+, to be released whenever GOG gives us the signal by lighting bonfires across a series of majestic mountaintops.

4-bit color
Sometimes people turn on 8-bit color because sometimes it makes the game run a little bit faster than 16-bit color. Well, logically, shouldn’t 4-bit color run even faster than that?

Increased Transparency
When JJ2+ developers join multiplayer servers, our rabbits will now be drawn with only 50% opacity. We’re confident this is what you wanted.

Seasonal Content
Pestilence can now only be played in the week surrounding Halloween, and CTF only on your country’s respective Flag Day. To compensate for this inconvenience, a new Christmas-themed gamemode will be introduced where you give presents to other players instead of roasting them. It will be available whenever JJ2+ uses the Christmas Chronicles menu theme, which will be expanded to be six months out of every year.

New Playable Character: Devan’s Shell
The limiting factor preventing the addition of new characters has always been the countless new sprites that would need to be created. Thankfully, we’ve hit upon a novel solution: a character with only one sprite. By playing as Devan’s Shell, you will be able to sit in one place on the ground, until you are shot, at which point you will careen around for a while before losing momentum.

Replacing JJ2+ Developers With ChatGPT
People do say that ChatGPT can write code actually, but I’ve never experimented with that, so, uh, instead… let’s say that we’re introducing a new form where you can type your feature requests, and if you use it, an advanced text parsing AI will automatically tell you why we won’t be implementing your idea.

Sponsored LevelList Suggestions
Pay us $8 a month and everyone’s servers will periodically cycle to your levels.

Youth Culture
To attract a younger playerbase, we’re going to rename Last Rabbit Standing to Lit Rabbit Stanning.

Improved Controller Support
But, like, only for the Ouya.

Bringing Back The /bestpony Command
Y’know, in retrospect, 2013 was a weird time.

More Version Numbers Beginning With 5
We’re pretty confident that 5 is the biggest number there is, okay?

- Violet CLM


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