Beloved publisher Electic Arts (“EA”) has just announced their purchase of the Jazz Jackrabbit license in order to create a new arcade machine-style beat-em-up game. Up to four players may play in a single game locally, and while no online multiplayer gameplay will be available, the game must be connected to the internet at all times to better facilitate ingame purchases of new weapons and fur colors, to perform lightning-fast Blast Processing serverside, and to show you constant updates about what your Origin™ friends are up to. If your internet connection cuts out for more than thirty consecutive seconds, you will receive a “Connection Timed Out” warning and all your save data will be inadvertently erased.
Although only four characters will be available at game launch — Jazz, Spaz, Professor Lapin, and surprise cameo Duke Nukem who was in need of a new game to call home — EA has also discussed plans to release a series of non-posable Jazz Jackrabbit series action figures, which will add new playable character data when scanned by the game.
Early information about the game’s plot suggests that it will revolve around rescuing a new female character named Bunnita Harekeesia, who will have been kidnapped by trolls.
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Eat your lima beans, Johnny.