Beloved publisher Electic Arts (“EA”) has just announced their purchase of the Jazz Jackrabbit license in order to create a new arcade machine-style beat-em-up game. Up to four players may play in a single game locally, and while no online multiplayer gameplay will be available, the game must be connected to the internet at all times to better facilitate ingame purchases of new weapons and fur colors, to perform lightning-fast Blast Processing serverside, and to show you constant updates about what your Origin™ friends are up to. If your internet connection cuts out for more than thirty consecutive seconds, you will receive a “Connection Timed Out” warning and all your save data will be inadvertently erased.

Although only four characters will be available at game launch — Jazz, Spaz, Professor Lapin, and surprise cameo Duke Nukem who was in need of a new game to call home — EA has also discussed plans to release a series of non-posable Jazz Jackrabbit series action figures, which will add new playable character data when scanned by the game.

Early information about the game’s plot suggests that it will revolve around rescuing a new female character named Bunnita Harekeesia, who will have been kidnapped by trolls.

- Violet CLM


minmay on 2 Apr 2013 at 00:39


PT32 on 2 Apr 2013 at 01:01

I lost it when you said trolls…rofl

sonicnathan 1 on 2 Apr 2013 at 05:39

It says april second, but i say otherwise

Slaz on 2 Apr 2013 at 21:45

The frontpage says April 1st, yet the actual news item says 2nd. Must be some trolls at work!

ionut jazz on 3 Apr 2013 at 10:16

when he comes?

GoldRabbit on 3 Apr 2013 at 23:51

would buy/10

plunK on 4 Apr 2013 at 00:09

I didn’t see the date at first, and almost died in pain from that post

Roobar on 5 Apr 2013 at 17:06

Because I don’t saw this on April 1-st, I thought it was real. I thought “Wait! What? An Beat’em’up by EA? Better than nothing!” But then I started starring at the picture more closely and find out it was just a joke. And one does not start with “Beloved” when it’s about EA. Because honestly, nobody loves EA anymore.

Post a comment

You need to log in to post comments on this newspost.