Jazz Jackrabbit's Poker Broker
Welcome back once again to the Jazz Jackrabbit’s Poker Broker Weekly Update, where the JJPBO staff details their experiences brokering poker. Broking poker. Breaking? Poking? Anyway, this is Update #1040; if you’ve missed a week or two, you can catch up on previous updates here.

I started my game with a $5000 stake and a standard $100 bet. I know the folks at jazzjackrabbitspokerbroker.net have been talking about lowering the bet to $3 but I’m a traditionalist. I got dealt the King of Spades and a bunch of middle cards, some straight potential but mostly inside and I’d need two draws. Unfortunately the interface was arse backwards and I discarded the King, gaining a pair of fours, which lost to another pair. I guess. I don’t actually know what my opponent had.

Next round was no better. Held onto a 9 and 10; got some higher cards and very nearly a straight, but drew a 3 instead of a J. Lost $100 again, which I believe the cool kids call “jazzing it.”

Third round I was torn between holding onto my pair of 5s vs. some serious flush potential in the heart quadrant. Opted for the pair and ended up with two-pair, winning back $200. Up to $5000 now, and decided to go all in. I know Chiyu tried that once and no one ever heard from him again, but I had a good feeling about the next hand.

Unfortunately it turns out this game doesn’t actually let you go all in, and anyway my pair of Jacks was rewarded with the message “Higher pair, even money.” Nobody won. Truly, when you play Jazz Jackrabbit’s Poker Broker, nobody ever wins. Not even the Nguyens. Not even you.

See you next week for more exciting broken polkaing action!

- Violet CLM


Comments

Violet CLM on 1 Apr 2015 at 10:42

(the thing about playing Jazz Jackrabbit’s Poker Broker is it really makes you appreciate that iOS stick shooter demo game by comparison)

Primpy on 1 Apr 2015 at 11:00

Yes, I was waiting for this XD
(Happy April Fools’ everyone!)

Jelly Jam on 1 Apr 2015 at 12:14

When I first saw this post I was all like ‘WTF ARE YOU SAYING?!’
Then I saw today’s date, and then I laughed xD

Slaz on 1 Apr 2015 at 18:32

There’s still 1 left in stock.. And I admit that I felt tempted to buy it just for the name. xD

It’s apparently obscure enough that no video of it ever released on YouTube.

Ragnarok! on 1 Apr 2015 at 18:37

:DD

I miss the old J2O layout

Primpy on 1 Apr 2015 at 19:46

^It’s the first time I actually see this layout (saw it before using Wayback Machine) and I’ve got to admit, it looks preeeety nice!

Violet CLM on 1 Apr 2015 at 20:31

Don’t buy it. The Amazon description is right and it’s a terrible game.

Roobar on 2 Apr 2015 at 05:43

That’s the funniest joke of them all this year!

Ja22 on 2 Apr 2015 at 10:43

How strange that is Captain Sparklez put this video too to the Minecraft 2 Trailer…

Robo4900 on 2 Apr 2015 at 17:40

From the Amazon description:
“Jazz Jackrabbit’s Poker is the retail release of “Poker Broker 3.0,” a barebones shareware draw poker game created by Thu Nguyen and Louis Nguyen in 1995. This CD-ROM version is identical to the shareware release, and even contains the same notice to support its authors in the About menu. The game itself is an extremely elementary rendition of draw poker that functions as it should, but offers zero in the way of extra features.”

Primpy on 2 Apr 2015 at 18:44

^^Sounds like a koality game.

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