Next week will see the world premiere of the new anime show Gochūmon wa Jazu Jawabitto Desu ka?, or “Is the Order a Jazz Jackrabbit?” The show is promoted as being part of modern anime’s popular “cute girls killing cute things” genre, and the average body count is expected to be at least three per episode, or as many as six during the Japanese equivalent of sweeps week.
“Anime is really the perfect home for the Jazu Jawabitto series,” explained anime spokesperson and trained camel AlFahl. “Our character design departments can turn out dozens of brightly colored, nearly-identical-looking schoolgirls every day, and that’s a perfect analog to choosing your fur colors before joining an online server. Sure, longtime Jazu fans may have a little trouble believing that bird-eating, double-jumping rabbits are just the same thing as saccharine eleven-year-old girls in pencil-length skirts, but anime is all about imagination. That’s why we’re so determined to do the same things over and over every season until people stop imagining giving us money for them.”
A smartphone game adaptation of the show is also planned, though it will only be available for purchase in Japan, which is still more places than any of the existing Jazz games can be legally bought in. A Hollywood adaptation is also being discussed, though American producers have reportedly demanded that all the rabbits in the movie be white.
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Eat your lima beans, Johnny.